2007-02-22T20:33:00.001-08:00

Oscar Wrap-up: The Stuff You Really Want to Know.

Although ABC gagged Chris Rock, host of Sunday Night's 77^th Annual Academy Awards, with a heaping spoonful of political correctness (no doubt a move inspired by the touchy FCC), Rock still managed to offend Sean Penn.

The Oscars are rarely about the actual awards given out, as evident in the Red Carpet special that precedes the Hollywood event every year (if you looked close enough, you might have been able to catch a glimpse of pencil-thin Renee Zellweger, but only when she wasn't turning profile), where various stars plug the designers of their gowns/tuxes and talk about how lucky they are to be famous, beautiful actors.

The true focus of the Oscar ceremony is even more evident when one realizes most buzz surrounding the event rested not on who would take home the bald, naked men, but on how fine a line between acceptable and offensive, the notoriously ballsy stand-up comic Chris Rock, would walk, in the aftermath of the Janet Jackson controversy.

A standing ovation greeted Rock when he walked onto the stage of the Kodak Theatre; perhaps his celebrity audience was hoping they could court him away from making fun of them.

Rock hardly sat on his hands though, cleverly picking on everyone from Oprah to the President.

Before presenting the award for Best Animated Feature, Robin Williams walked on stage with a symbolic piece of tape covering his mouth, and then mocked the recent allegations that the cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants is gay, a comedic bit that had been taken down a few notches by ABC's censor-happy fingers, during rehearsals (hence, the tape).

Later, presenter Sean Penn went off script, asking his audience to forgive him for his "compromised sense of humor," as he defended Jude Law as an actor. Law had been the butt of an extended, but rather innocuous joke by Rock, earlier in the show. Rock responded with: "Sean Penn, my accountants would like to speak with you," in reference to two large men he had on stage with him prior; this ended up being arguably the best punch line of the night.

Pop star Prince presented an award, for no particular reason -- he didn't sing at the event and isn't an actor -- and if he had been reading off of cue cards, they must have been "index" sized. Presenters Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek also fumbled a few words, Hayek stating that someone was "nominated by an Academy Award."

But perhaps the best example of how secondary the awards were to the Red Carpet interviews, FCC controversy, and presenter goof-ups, is that those accepting the awards were repeatedly scared off the stage by the live orchestra, prematurely in my opinion. Charlie Kaufman, winner of Best Screenplay for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, referred to the 30-second countdown on the teleprompter as "intimidating."

And what was even more frustrating was the manner in how the awards for technical achievement were handed out. Organizers of the event apparently thought it would be a brilliant idea to bring the award to certain Academy members, rather than let them take their sweet time walking up to the stage. Awards, for many (such as Best Achievement in Makeup), were presented in the aisle!

I wonder, did the Oscar invitations for these particular nominees begin with, "bring your own chair/pillow/blanket!" Who'd these nominees have to pay to get actual seats? Certainly their presence at the award show was more of a burden than something welcomed.

And yet, the show's producers didn't mind giving singer Beyonce almost as much, if not more, exposure than host Rock; she performed three of the five musical numbers of the evening (and not with flying colors either, turning the beautiful language of French into bland nonsensical sounds in a song from the foreign film The Chorus).

Oh, and Million Dollar Baby won for Best Picture.

oscar wrap-up rock